Dinner with Aesop, Aristotle, Plato and Guests

Good day, good people.

For devotees of the English language: Impudicity is a noun. It is acting without shame.

Aesop and Plato sent messengers to deliver hand-written invitations which asked the invitees to join them for dinner in Dubai. They arranged for their guests to stay in the Burj Al Arab, Tower of the Arabs, hotel. It is set on its own island off Jumeirah Beach. It is a beautiful seven-star hotel.

Aesop and Plato arrived at the same hotel from Greece. Plato had messengers deliver hand-written invitations to the suites of each of the guests to dine with them this evening in the Royal Suite.

Quintus Cicero arrived at the Royal Suite which occupied the entire floor. When he did, Aristotle announced to all, “In honor of our guest from Rome, only Latin will be spoken this evening. But for the Americans present who do not, English will be accepted.” They all looked at Quintus as he entered, raised their champagne-Baccarat flutes in his direction and smiled at him. Aesop told the assembled guests Quintus was in his opinion the first and best political consultant. Then he walked with him and introduced him to each guest. Shortly thereafter, the guests enjoyed a fine flute of Cristal. A man in Arab dress announced to us all, “Dinner is served, gentlemen.” A server took all of the flutes from them as they passed into the dining room.

Beluga caviar was placed in golden bowls next to each guest. New flutes were placed and Cristal flowed gently into them. Alongside the bowl of each guest were blinis, Melba toast, crème fraîche, egg yolk, egg white, shallots and chives.

After salad and soup, Quintus ordered John Dory with clam ragout in Paccheri, and a sauce Bourride. It was delicious. They talked while they ate. He talked to the man on his left, Aesop, and Pluto on his right and to Aristotle across the rectangular table from him. Finally, they all ordered deserts. Quintus chose the Crêpes Suzette with orange sauce and vanilla ice cream. Magnifique.

Aesop stood and announced, “Gentlemen, tonight’s subject will be corrupticians, euphemistically called politicians, those who act with impudicity in politics.”

Aristotle spoke first, “I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.”

Samuel Clemens added, “It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American-criminal class except Congress.”

“If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in acceptance speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven,” Will Rogers said, and smiled broadly.

Aesop stood and said, “We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.”

Plato added, “Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.”

“Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other,” Oscar Ameringer said, with a smirk. He was an American socialist and former political candidate.

Ronald Reagan told them, “Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.”

“Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks,” said Doug Larson, the journalist.

Benjamin Franklin told them looking over his spectacles, “Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.”

“Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river,” Nikita Khrushchev said, laughed and sat down.

Cicero commented, “Sounds like the former senator from Alaska, Ted Stevens, and his bridge to nowhere.”

Clarence Darrow stood, opened the front of his coat, grabbed his suspenders with each hand and in his deep voice and wrinkled face told them, “When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become president; I’m beginning to believe it.”

“Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel,” John Quinton said forcibly.

“The democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work, and then they get elected and prove it,” P.J. O’Rourke said with sincerity.

“I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them,” Adlai Stevenson said.

Quintus Cicero stayed in his comfortable chair and said, “Sounds like a good bargain for the Republican candidates in America during this year’s 2012 debates. Honesty is an illusion — it is called politics. A politician’s statement has the illusion of honesty — but alas, it is still an illusion.”

Plato asked, “Would anyone like to draft a communique for our adoring fans whom are waiting to hear from us.”

No one spoke. Finally, Quintus stood and said, “What about this? Taking into consideration the high regard we have for politics and politicians and their acting with impudicity, I offer this: A politician will say anything whether it is true or not, or do anything whether it is legal or not, if he or she believes he or she will not get caught to get elected or re-elected. Promise the masses what they want to hear to get elected, and then when you are and do not deliver what you promised tell them the circumstances have changed. Cater to groups overlooked by your opponents, particularly the young people. Every hand you shake is a vote. Emphasize the negatives of your opponents, corruption, adultery and scandals are the best whether they are true or not does not matter. The accusation sticks.”

As a result of this advice which he had given to his brother, Marcus Tullius Cicero, he was elected consul, the Roman Empire’s highest office in 64 BCE.

Quintus said to Clemens, “Politicians remind me of one of your favorite quotes: ‘If you don’t read a newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do you’re misinformed.’ Regarding a corruptician, you could say, If you don’t listen to a politician, you’re uninformed, if you do, you’re misinformed.”

“Thank you, Quintus, I will and give you attribution, too.”

Quintus Cicero sat down, the others guests stood and gave him a standing ovation.

Does his advice to his brother, Marcus, remind you of politics today? There is a famous lady who said, “Nothing changes, it just wears a different dress.”

What is your thought on corrupticians? What is your thought on Quintus Cicero’s communique which received a standing ovation by the other guests?

Contacting me with comments and constructive criticisms with honesty and pleasantness, their constant companions, will always be welcome.

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